Typically I let these posts stand alone. Today is different. Being a father and husband can be filled with great highs and deep lows. Today was possibly my lowest low. And it’s at these times where I can struggle to find help, meaning and answers. I sit alone in the dark, everyone else asleep. Left to my own thoughts, worries and fears. It’s at these times , after a bad day , that the worst of the worst thoughts will begin to creep in. Self doubt. Self hate. Self harm. It’s times I may resent those around me as they sleep and I struggle. Trying to shoulder too many burdens. It’s now I ask if I’m loving him right. If it’s all worth it. Do I even know how to raise him, love him, care for him. I really don’t know. I just know he deserves my best. If any other dads are struggling just know you are not alone.